Second Edition
By Edgar Miraculous Dyer
Big problem with the Wonder Woman comic's perennial arch-villain, Cheetah, is how unclear it is exactly what she wants!
Just what exactly does this lady want, from one story to the next? Is it money? Immortality? Blood-lust? A very big ball of string? What?
Whether it's the Great American novel, a classic film, we, the audience, w...whatever - we absolutely must know what the villain wants ..and is willing to do the most awful things, imaginable, to get! That's the whole story.
Find a super-villainess, worthy of sharing that bill, with Wonder Woman, ..and you have a headline.
UPDATE: Things are changing, in the pages of Wonder Woman... HAPPILY EVER AFTERWORLDS: CONRAD, CLOONAN, MOORE AND THE SECOND GOLDEN AGE OF WONDER WOMAN (wondabunga.blogspot.com)
Furthermore, it has rarely, if ever, been established how what Cheetah wants, that makes her uniquely suited (like more, than Catwoman or ) ..to be Diana's worst nightmare. I especially find it problematic, understanding how Diana left the island to save mankind from conquest, by Ares and beings, like him, who threaten peace and freedom, ..while her worst enemy is basically...a furry Freddy Krueger?! I have yet to read the story that sells me on the inevitability of this, such that I felt...
"Now, I get it! Yes! Now, I see why there's this inevitable thing, between Wondy and the Cheetah, that gives Cheetah all those...cheaty feelings? Yeah! Makes sense, now!"
No, it doesn't make sense.
Not happening - not even with a MOVIE! The Wonder-Cheetah thing is dead in the water, ..literally. See the movie, and you'll get the joke. [Dead in the water--ha!]
Truthfully...maybe, ..if Cheetah was reimagined, as a time-travelling conqueror, like Marvel Comics's Kang, who scientifically or magically turned herself into a were-cheetah to survive the rigors and dangers of time-travel, ..I could get behind that. Maybe, a bloodthirsty, English countess, whose nobility is rendered meaningless in a pacifistic, Amazon-ruled future, travels through time, hunting down every Wonder Woman, who has ever lived, ..determined to mount Diana's head on a wall, in her time-ship, ..beside all the others! Mixing magic, sci-fi and pulpy, Tomb Raiderish elements, that would be a classic Wonder Woman origin story and motivation, that makes sense...
For a classic Wonder-archenemy! Maybe, Diana needs a Kurgan.
Doesn't everybody?
As for the tragic, lost, cursed friend thing, retconned in by Greg Rucka, ..I just don't care about what went on, before Cheetah became Cheetah. I think that Two-Faceish backstory has run out of gas, because the Wonder Woman comic doesn't keep a supporting cast around, long enough, for us fans to emotionally invest in any of the characters. How am I supposed to feel about a past friendship, between Wonder Woman and Barbara Minerva, that never gets referenced, by Diana or any supporting characters in the comic, ..and which appears to have had no adverse, long-term effects on Diana ..or any of their mutual friends?
We don't care. Unlike Dracula vs Van Helsing, Krystle vs Alexis or Batman vs Superman, ..presently, Wonder Woman vs Cheetah is not a scrap, worthy of a headline.
Not even a fake one, in the Daily Planet!
Anyway, ..I think Cheetah is a hard-sell, as an archenemy. At this point, I just don't know what in Hades she is supposed to be doing, ..anywhere. Basically, she's Man-Bat, with a soap opera attached, and this film, Wonder Woman 1984, really affirms that, for my money.
Want to KNOW WONDER WOMAN, the way I know Wonder Woman? You've got to get ALL THE WAY down to the... STAR-SPANGLED PANTIES!
A Barbara Minerva, in or out of Cheetah-form, stalking Wonder Woman, through the space-time continuum - now, that should wake Diana up, at night, in a cold sweat. In this way, a classic arch-nemesis, like Minerva, bewitches the superhero - with or without magic, she hexes her! Any prolonged consideration of the classic super-villain, by the classic superhero, should frequently wake the latter up, like a ghost, in a Victorian era novel. Furthermore, it should make sense to us, why contemplation of what Cheetah wants and what she is willing to do to get it, should be instant insomnia, for Wonder Woman...
Period! That is a classic, superhero enmity, worthy of headlines, ..and that is just not happening, with Cheetah, right now. So, maybe, it is time that we all moved on, without her.
Look alive, kangaliers!
Edgar Miraculous 'Mel' Dyer, without his fine, coyote-hatin' Goldiweiller, Kirby (now moved on to that big, coyote-hatin' hate group in the Sky) continues a somewhat bleaker, dogless existence in the Capitol Hill area of Washington, DC. He has been an active member of the Latino Culture Council of the Capitol Area (El Consejo de Cultura Latina – La Zona del Capitolio) and the Kiwanis Club of Capitol Hill.
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